Today marks one of the worst days of my life. I lost a
long time friend. I knew this girl since second grade. Then I transferred to
another school and wouldn't meet her again til 5 years later. I don't even
think she remembered that time but that's inconsequential. Counting all the
years I knew her, first grade, and then 7-12th grade, and then 3 years in
college, I would say that's about a little 9 years. Flash forward today. I got
an Illini alert this morning at around 11 AM. Lincoln Ave in Urbana between Nevada
and Pennsylvania were closed due to an accident investigation. At first I
thought this text meant nothing, nothing to do with me, just another minor
accident. I could not be more wrong. I went through the day like normal. Until
I got home. I was just relaxing and playing GTA V until one roommate of mine
got a phone call. At first I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying as he
kept saying what in a surprised voice. Later he came down and stammered in a
panic that "Mimi died in an car accident today". I couldn't believe my ears at first. I
thought this was a sick joke or a nightmare. I would punch my self, wake up and
everything would be fine. But that dreaded feeling crept up on me and every
second felt like eternity. I got a drink and something to smoke. It dawned on me that he was telling the truth but my
head would not connect the dots. Maybe its a defense mechanism against very
shocking news, i was in denial. Drinking
didn't help, smoking didn't help. I was trying to shield myself from such horrible
news.
Later we drove to some friends house as we heard there
was a meeting. Then we were told those friends went to the victim's apartment
and that her parents where there. We went up to meet them and they told us even
they didn't not have all the details and would have to contact a funeral home
that was close to us back in Chicago for further arrangements.
Mimi was stuck by a pick up truck. The driver had no
insurance and was said to have succumbed to diabetic shock when the incident
happened. The coroner wont release details until 24 hours after the incident so
we are still left in the dark as to what exactly happened to her.
Leaving the grotesqueness of this accident, after hearing
of her passing earlier tonight, all of her friends including me took to social
media to mourn her passing. But no matter how many pictures we post, she is
gone. She will never return. Every friend she had had different memories of her
and with her. Yet we cannot fathom the loss, the pain, the regret her family
feels. I saw Mimi's family today. Her mother's eyes were red from crying but
when we saw her, she was a strong woman. She did not cry. Her dad did not cry.
Her little sister did not cry. But behind those strong facades, I knew exactly
how they must have felt. Mimi's parents must have lost sleep, and shed sweat
and tears to raise her. Mimi was only 20 and a half years old and God took Mimi away from her parents. From us. Parents should never have to bury their
children. As a Christian, I don't even know what to believe. I think this is
extremely unfair to her parents and us as her friends. She was a young woman in
her college days, learning more about the world and she probably had a very
bright future ahead of her. Yet it was cut short by a careless and reckless
driver.
I loved Mimi, I really did. I confessed to her many time
throughout high school and once during college. But that was a love unrequited.
She told me there were better girls out there for me and wanted to stay just
friends. I understood. But time and time again, of all the girls I had a crush
on, I came back to her numerous times and numerous times I was rejected. I
became resentful at times, and jealous. But I realized we could never be
anything more than friends. Now I cannot apologize enough for the times I hurt
her, said mean things or put her in an awkward position. As they say You never
know the true value of someone or something til their gone. I miss our friend
ship. I took her for granted, I miss the times we had together, the good, the
bad, the happy and the sad. I miss her smile, playfulness, jokes, and our
conversation. Not to sound like a creep but I also miss her long flowing hair, the
sweet smell of her fragrance. The warmth of her embrace. I'm still in such
shock that I cannot cry. Because I also cannot fathom how a wonderful person
like her had to have her life taken away.
Just the other day she Snapchatted me and sent me a
picture of her medicine and a bag of halls. She said she was sick and i was
concerned so I told her get well soon. Today I went to visit her room and saw
the exact meds that she sent me pictures of . Only now Mimi isn't there to joke
about those things and she is no longer with us. As a Christian, I am having
very conflicting thoughts. Why GOD? Why would you take away an innocent young
woman with so much potential? I don't even think prayer can answer my questions
but I am going to pray for her family. They need as much support as they can
get. More than we can ever give, so much more than we ever need.
#RIP Mimi, I loved you and always will. I hope you are in
a better place now and will watch over us. Just so you know, this isn't a goodbye, its a see you later.
And as John 14:1-4 says : “Let not your hearts be
troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many
rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place
for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will
take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to
where I am going.”
As for now, time seemed to have stopped. I am still in denial. But one thing I do know for sure. Tell your close friends and family you love them. Hug them. Be genuine. And never take anything for granted. Cuz you never know what you have lost til its gone.
No comments:
Post a Comment