It seems like nowadays the only time I really use Blogger anymore is when bad things happen. Just today I received word from my mom that another relative had passed away from cancer. This news wasn't too shocking but it was disturbing nonetheless. This was my great grand uncle. Now we knew he had cancer and that he did not want treatment. He was "saved" and converted into Christianity so perhaps he didn't feel the need for chemo or to prolong his suffering. We don't exactly understand why he didn't want treatment so we could only speculate. By now my family and I are quite familiar with how horrible cancer is. How horrible death can be. Back in October 2013, a close friend of mine passed away in a accident. 6 Months later in April of 2014, my dad passed away from cancer. And now my Great Grand Uncle has succumbed to cancer as well. From a certain perspective I guess my Great Grand Uncle saw how terribly my dad suffered. 14 months after the initial diagnosis, he deteriorated overtime and it was a very painful thing to witness. Perhaps my Great Grand Uncle did not wish to suffer the same fate and choose to let cancer take him instead of fighting back.
The doctors said he would have at least 8 months to live but he passed a lot sooner than that. By the time my great grand uncle found out he had lung cancer, it was already in stage IV. My immediate family and I really didn't know much about his condition because well, it was a complicated matter and he kept it to him self.
All I can remember from before he was diagnosed was that he was a happy man on the surface. He was one of those relatives that you would seldom see, perhaps drop by a few times and invite you to his house. He was lonely because his situation with his immediate family was very complicated. You could almost say he was estranged from his wife and his children. So in a sense my family was the closest relatives he had in the states. He was always very happy to see my mom, cousin, and I. Many times he would bring us food late into the night for no reason but simply to hold a short conversation. and then he would go home. He always had very encouraging words for my cousin and I, encouraging us to study hard and be influential people. When I was younger I remembered visiting him in his home in Lisle. I remember exploring his old house, looking thorough his pantry, garage and rooms. I would find all sorts of relics from the mid 70's. He had three children all of which had long since moved out. I remembered he was very good at basketball despite having a crooked pinky. He was a bold and charismatic man and spoke to everyone was if he knew them quite well. He might have had his own quirks and issue but I don't think he was a bad person at all.
However, he passed alone in a old folks home somewhere in the suburbs. 70 years old, no wife nor children nor grandchildren by his side as he passed. This is what struck me as the most sad and disturbing. What did he do in the past that estranged his family from him? How could his wife and children be so heartless as to not be with him in his final moments? Well I never really understood their situation so I have no right to talk but I think this situation is wrong. Even though I did not see my dad off when he left God's green earth, he was still surrounded by people who cared about him and my mom was there too. Now this does make me sound hypocritical. If his immediate family couldn't be there for them, wouldn't that make us his next closest of kin? Why couldn't we be there for him? Well you must remember, there are degrees of separation between a person and his great grand uncle. He was too far separated to be very close to us and he lived in the suburbs. I don't want to sound callous but if his immediate family couldn't even take care of them, should the burden lie on us? That doesn't make sense either. It would have also been very inconvenient for us to go see him often because both my cousin and my mom work full days and he lived in the suburbs.
The lesson to be learned here, whether this is one or not, is don't take family for granted and try to make up with them if there has been conflict. The last thing anyone wants is to depart the world alone without saying any last words to anyone. I've known many people who have conflicts with their family but as bad as it is, avoiding the situation certainly wont help. Its like letting a small cut get infected and fester. What once was a small wound gets worse over time and leads to rotting flesh, necrotic and rank. And then you leave the world alone because you've hurt your family in the past so bad they won't be there during your last moments.
If there is going to be a funeral (which I am 1000% certian) I will attend. This would make the 3rd funeral in 9 months. I mean really? Losing a close friend, my dad , and a relative in 9 months? I wouldn't exactly say I'm desensitized to death, but these past 9 months have changed me in some ways that I probably don't even realize fully. And I tell people I'm pessimistic despite how people perceive me. I try not to think to much about it. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. God made it so we are born, we live, and then we die. But its still sad that some people die too early. Some people die alone. I just pray that may God have mercy on my Great Grand Uncle's Soul. May he rest in peace and his family forgive him. May God also bring peace to my life because these past 9 months have been extremely tolling on me and my family.
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